The Divorce

Many of our friends and family were shocked when my first husband and I divorced. We were college sweethearts and dated for four years prior to marriage. We were married for 12 years when we divorced. I would say our marriage was average. We appeared happy from the outside but in truth we were living more like brother and sister. We had 2 young children and basically lived together and raised the kids with all of our interaction being about the kids. We would have very little conversation about anything other than our children. We had grown apart from each other. I had no physical attraction to my ex anymore. I realized I did not want my daughter or son to grow up thinking this was how marriage should be. I was hoping I would find a relationship in which I could feel loved and love as God intended marriage to be. It was a very difficult time when my ex and I had to actually admit a divorce might be the best thing for us and our children. I will never forget sitting down in the living room to tell the kids I would be moving out. They were 5 and 7 years old. Their father and I decided the best thing for them would be to live one week with him and then one week with me. I had moved out to an apartment near by and we agreed to always put the kids first. The days that followed were very difficult. Lots of tears, anger from in-laws while at the same time I was feeling that my life was just starting. I felt such guilt! I hated not putting my kids to bed every night. I tried to always be upbeat for the kids even when inside I was hurting. I spoke with them daily and saw them as often as possible. I was adjusting to working full time at a new job and to living alone in an apartment. The kids seemed to be slowly adjusting to our new way of life and the tears everytime we left each other seemed to be fewer. I dealt with friends and family who were still angry and couldn't understand how I could do this. What they saw from the outside was the perfect family. My ex was a good provider, good father and good husband. He just didn't do "it" for me. Was I selfish to do this to our kids? Now, 10 years later I know that I did what I had to do and in the long run they too have beneifited from the choices I made years ago.

Who am I?

I am a 43 year young married woman. I have two children that I birthed and two children who came with my marriage to my second husband. I love my life!!! Everyday I thank God for my many blessings!! Don't get me wrong....not everyday is perfect. We have been through some difficult times. Merging together our kids into a new family took some learning and patience on all of our parts. The kids were 5,6,7 and 8 when we were married almost 10 years ago. No matter how much you love someone you have to also fall in love with their children. If you are lucky, his kids will also love you back in time. My husband and I had to figure out how to be a step-parent as we went. We learned that it is best if only the parent disciplines their own children. This is a very hard rule to follow. We each came into the marriage with ideas of how to raise our children and they may not be the same. We had to be accepting of each others way of parenting, and lets face men and women are very different! I plan to use this blog to help those of you who are going through some of the experiences that I have gone through.